This is the first installment in a series of posts straight from our journal (handwritten). When we first received the difficult diagnosis for our daughter (still in the womb), we immediately started journaling. Here is what we said:
DAY ONE – September 25, 2001 – (Robin)
Today was much anticipated. The day of the big sonogram. However, the news was bad. The doctor said our baby girl had little hope of a normal life and a large chance that she would not make it at all. Thousands of thoughts have flooded our minds. it is amazing how fast a brain can process thoughts. Positive, negative, middle. Much of the time we can’t tell if the thoughts we have are bad or not.
We are confused.
However, we have peace.
Never in my life have I had so much proof that I believe in God. When it came down to it and life was in a crunch, I told God that I believed in Him. Whether our baby is totally healthy or dies early, I will believe in Him. I will trust Him and I will seek Him and not a miracle.
I won’t lose my smile.
I can’t say I did not seek the miracle, because I did. I fasted and prayed, earnestly entreating God to make our little baby nice and normal. Looking back, I see how selfish those prayers were. Instead of making Kennady a normal child, He has used her brokenness to demonstrate His strength.
I’ve never met anyone with less ability to offer to God than she has, yet He continues to work through her to change everyone she comes in contact with. I think we are seeing a miracle unfold right before our eyes.