Lately, we have been posting on our blog stuff we wrote 12 years ago when we first received the difficult diagnosis for our daughter. Today’s, entry is difficult for me to read. It really shows the progress we have made over the last decade. When I wrote it, I still thought “bad” was a child with special needs. We were thinking the only way for God to show up was a complete healing. We were asking God, “Show up so that we don’t have to live this difficult life.” Instead of doing that He showed up so that we could live this difficult life. Here is what I said:
DAY FIVE – September 29, 2001 – (Robin)
Today was hard.
I was attacked with doubt and lack of faith. I reverted to thinking ‘what if it is all bad’. It would be so hard on Erica and I. The reality of having a child with multiple special needs is staggering.
How would God use this situation?
Would we be strong enough for this?
We aren’t even equipped to be regular parents. This reminds me of Randy’s song “Blessing in the Thorn”. I am praying that the Holy Spirit dwells in our baby’s body. In Psalms it says the Earth responded to God’s deliverance of Israel. The baby’s body must respond to the Spirit of God dwelling in it.
God give us understanding and peace. It feels like I’m running low.
I need you, Lord.
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