Wow! It has been a busy few days. On Friday, USA Today released an article about our family and we have been overwhelmed by the support. Of course we were surprised and honored that Sonja Haller reached out to us and wanted to write a piece on our daughter’s life. She did an incredible job covering so many years of ups and downs. We had over 12,000 hits on our blog that day!
As a result, we have been connected to so many new “friends”. Thanks to everyone who signed up for our blog updates! It has been so encouraging to read your emails about your own journey/kids/special needs/faith. Please keep in touch. If you haven’t connected directly, we would love to hear from you! Send us a email and tell us about your family!
We wanted you to see an update pic of our family. If you did the math and looked at the pics in the article, you probably realized that our kids are way too young in those pics. 🙂 Check out this pic from Thursday night! Dore Pope Photography just captured this one (and we love it).
If you haven’t followed us on social media, then we would love to connect with you there. That is probably the best way to keep track of our family. We post quite a bit on Instagram and Facebook.
The Bible is filled with wonderful principles and steps to make your family stronger! Just to make it a bit more interesting and practical for everyone, our definition of Family has two versions. BOTH important:
We all have a “LIVE WITH FAMILY” – The people we live with. Our bio family or roommates. We all also should have a “WORSHIP WITH FAMILY” – The people we walk in faith with. Our Church family
Here is a GREAT scripture in Hebrews relating to family:
Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. Hebrews 10:24
We need to collaboratively think about. We need to Invest in, work at, be creative with our family plan. You should call a family meeting this week and get everyone’s input. Kids and adults
Here are the 5 ways to move towards your best family:
CHANGE FAMILY ATMOSPHERE TODAY. Your family atmosphere can change today! It will take a while to break habits and culture, BUT you need to grab the idea right now that the atmosphere of the home can change now! Let’s have a MIND SHIFT about our family life! Our old way of thinking can say things like: “My family is a lost cause. My parenting skills aren’t good enough. I’m afraid for kids’ future. My parents don’t understand me.”
Here is where our mind needs to be. “Family is God’s creation and design.He is the designer and builder of family.”
It was not good for man to be alone, so He created community:
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.” Genesis 4:1
Since God is the creator and designer of your family, He is the sole authority on the value and health of your family. People try all sorts of ideas, strategy, philosophy on how to have a fulfilled family, but there is really only way to move towards your best family: Allow God to have his way. Model your family after His plan!
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Psalm 127:1
If you are entering this month on the ropes, and feel like you are near the end of your sanity and family unity, I want to speak some GOOD NEWS! Jesus died to redeem his entire creation!
Your marriage and family is a part of God’s KINGDOM. God has the POWER to redeem your family and your home environment. When it does happen, God will get all the GLORY for it!
Instead of deciding the future of your family based on all the families around you, let’s base it on the supremacy and sovereignty of God!
When you are thinking negative thoughts, think…My family is going to make it!… Why??? JESUS! Even if you have strange family configurations. Throughout the Bible are half-sisters, step brothers, remarriage. The Bible is full of Blended, extended, and mended families that found a way to THRIVE through the power of God!
PRAY FOR, WITH, AND OVER YOUR FAMILY. Dad and Mom, God created you to be the leaders of the home. Part of that responsibility is to connect your home to God. When we move into a new home, we make it a priority to connect it to Spectrum or DirecTV. We make sure we have the best wifi for all those vitally important games and apps and movies. However, most people neglect to connect their home to the most important ‘source’ of power and information…
PRAYER CONNECTS YOUR HOME TO HEAVEN!
Here is a great scripture relating to family and prayer: “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16
What a GREAT family scripture. Apply this to whatever issue comes up in your family. No better place to confess sin than to your spouse. Go for it.
Some of you are not expert/professional prayer warriors. That’s ok. START SMALL.
* Pray at Bed time.
* Pray at Dinner time (not just for food poison)
* Pray when things come up.
* Pray for family in private. Then tell them!
Grow to the point where you pray out loud in front of each other. Pray over them, lay hands on them, Pray scripture over them. Here is a great scripture you can adapt to pray over your kids: “Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12
Have meaningful discussions with your kids and then simply invite Jesus in on them. He is listening anyway!!
The commandments I give you today must be in your hearts. Make sure your children learn them. Talk about them when you are at home. Talk about them when you walk along the road. Speak about them when you go to bed. And speak about them when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:6-7
EAT MORE MEALS TOGETHER. Eating together is healing to kids and adults. It takes planning and energy to eat together. It takes commitment, but it pays off. We all need to add this rule to the dinner table: No electronics rule at the dinner table!
Check out this research:
In 2008, researchers at Brigham Young University conducted a study of IBM employees and found that sitting down to a family meal helped working moms reduce the tension and strainfrom long hours at the office.
COMMIT TO THE NEXT 4 SUNDAYS. Don’t miss a Sunday in Month! Start a new habit of gathering with your family and other believers…weekly! Don’t let it be an accident or coincidence!
The Sleep Health Journal reported that adults who attend church exhibit healthier sleep outcomes than those who don’t.” For some of you that is because you sleep IN church!
According JAMA Psychiatry: “women who attended any religious service once a week or more were five times less likely to commit suicide.”
The National Health and Social Life Survey, (the most detailed analysis of sexual behavior in America) found that “Married adults who worshiped weekly were more likely to report enjoying sexual relations with their spouse. “
JOIN A SMALL GROUP. “It takes a village to raise a family.” Who is in your village? We all need an upline, a downline and a sideline. You can find people like this organically and then build relationships with them on your own. However, most people struggle with this so the church has intentionally formed groups of people and make it extremely easy for you to connect with them! If you are in the PromiseLand church community, click here for a list of groups you could join.
Last night was another tough one in this 16 year journey.Another night of lost sleep and tears. Where was the grace to keep going?
I (Erica) feel like the words came best when talking with a friend recently.“I have had an infant for 16 years”. That aspect alone is what feels exhausting. There is never a moment where we just “do life” without considering the enormous weight of Kennady’s disability. Every trip in the car, every dinner with friends, every trip to church we are deciding if we want to try and pull it off. Night time is when there isn’t even a “can we”, it is just “do”. Kind of like Yoda, “there is no try, only do”.
Last night, after I had tucked her in, set up her bipap (like a cpap) and turned it on, the wrestling began.Trying to get the mask to fit right and not leak.The mask that helps her to breathe and get a good nights sleep.The mask that mocks my efforts to get it all right.
I had started the process at 10:30pm, shortly after going upstairs I looked at the monitor and saw her fighting the mask, and the mask leaking.Dragging myself back down the stairs to reposition the mask, I thought I had it all situated, dragging back upstairs to make sure the boys were in bed.After getting the boys tucked in, I went to my bed and once again found her mask leaking.Back down the stairs to reposition the mask, again.Back upstairs to try and crawl into bed, because this 40 year old body needs a good nights sleep to function without my head spinning.Shortly after dozing off, quickly approaching 11:30, through the monitor I can hear the mask leaking again.The frustration is overwhelming.I just want to sleep.I go back downstairs to work on the mask.Kennady is settling into a good sleep, but the mask isn’t staying where it needs to in order to work.I adjust it, and wait.Maybe this is the one that did the trick…Headed back to bed.11:45, mask leaking.I go back downstairs to adjust the mask, or possibly burn it…
I reposition her, reposition the mask, and it leaks some.I finally bent over on the side of her bed, putting my head in my hands and cried.I was so frustrated.I just wanted to sleep.I just want to not worry about her safety as she sleeps.
Standing there, head in my hands softly crying, I heard the shuffle of feet and the gentle hand on my shoulder.“What’s wrong, momma?”I quickly walked with him out of the room so that we don’t wake her up.“Nothing is wrong with her, I just want to sleep”.He just hugged me and told me he loved me.That’s it.No trying to fix something that he knows he can’t fix.Just being there for me.
I wonder how these moments will shape my kids.What do they see when we are weak?What will they remember when they are grown? Do they realize that God is working through them to actually be a part of His solution? In this literal dark hour, God used one of my kids to bring me light. He delivered an allotment of God’s grace that was just enough for today.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10
Most of us have a good work ethic. We give work most of our creativity, attention, and energy. We come home burned out, tired, and often uninspired. Here is a new proposition: Your home life is more important than your work life. In fact, at some point, we don’t have life at home if we have given our best efforts to work (at least not the abundant life that Jesus came to give us in John 10:10).
We know what you are thinking right now…”Yeah, but if I don’t give work my best, then I will get fired. Then, my life at home will really stink. At some point, I will get ahead at work, and then things will change. I will be able to spend more time around the house and with family.”
Wrong.
Make your home life strong. That way no matter what happens at work, you will come home to a good thing. Your family will be with you forever. Jobs come and go. Make sure you get that part of your life right…first.
light saber duels occur in the Steele home
Here are 5 Ways to Keep Work and Home Separate:
1. Set boundaries on your schedule. If you don’t currently have solid start and stop times at work, then determine NOW when you are going to start and stop. If you don’t take control of your work, it will take control of you. Most jobs are never finished at “quitting time”. Have the courage to drop it and pick it up tomorrow. As a pastor, I (Robin) am never finished. Erica, as a midwife, is never finished. There are always more tasks to accomplish. There are always people that need us. We have had to get very serious about our family time. We have had to find others to cover for us in order to protect the most important part of our life: family.
2. Set boundaries on your work relationships. If you start caring more about what your co-workers think of you than what your family thinks of you, then you are in a bad spot. The relationships with your spouse and kids are more valuable than anyone else. We are often tempted to please co-workers and bosses at the expense of our family/home life. When these thoughts come to mind, it is time to re-evaluate the value you have put on these people’s opinions. Listen to the opinions of your spouse and kids (They are going to be around a lot longer than your boss and co-workers).
3. Turn everything off at mealtime. Eat as many meals as possible as a family. During meal time turn off all electronics including: television, phones, tablets, games, music (unless you have live musicians accompanying dinner time). TALK to each other. Go deep in conversations. Find topics that everyone likes to talk about. Have fun. Give everyone undivided attention. Value the thoughts and feelings of other family members.
Get your romance on in front of the kids.
4. Take regular breaks. You need days off where you think nothing about work. You need to take all of your vacation days each year. You need to plan ahead and make sure that vacation time is a priority in your family. Find things to do on a weekly basis that allows the family a reprieve from the hustle of the normal week. This is where you can channel some of your creativity (that you normally use at work) for family time.
5. Connect with Friends. We all need someone in our life who knows everything. Someone outside of the family should be ready, willing, and able to keep you accountable. The only way this can happen is if you intentionally invest in them first. Don’t be afraid to ask each other how life is going. Ask about work and home. Ask about boundaries. Encourage, uplift, and sometimes correct each other. Have fun, be vulnerable.
I’m sure that there are other things that could be added to the list. If you think of some, please add to the comments section below. We need to do something. We need to be intentional about the health of our family. We need to make our family a priority, or it will get pushed away. Your work life might be growing strong, but if it comes at the expense of your family life, that is too high of a price to pay. #notworthit
UPDATE: Oct 27th, 2014 – Kennady is going in on Thursday, Oct 30 for a third try on this surgery. The surgeon failed to complete the second try because Kennady’s back was too curved for the procedure. The third will involve more technology and tactics. Read details below on why this is happening.
We would love your prayers this week as Kennady is going in for a major surgery on Tuesday. She had this same surgery last year and it was unsuccessful. Actually, the surgery was very successful and the treatment was going quite well, but she developed staph infection in her spine and 6 weeks later the procedure had to be reversed.
For the last several years, Kennady’s muscles have gotten really tight. So much so, that they are contracting her arms and legs completely and creating scoliosis in her back (curvature of the spine). This causes a lot of pain and difficulty in bathing, getting her in and out of her chair, and basically all movemnent. We have given her medicine (baclofen) in hopes of reducing this tightness. It has worked some but it has a lot of negative side effects with little success.
After a lot of prayer and stored up energy, we are retrying a surgery that will insert a medicine pump in her abdomen, with a catheter into her spine, that will automatically put the medicine directly in contact with her nervous system and muscles. This will allow the medicine to skip the ‘blood brain barrier’ and not cause the side effects. It will also allow us to use lower doses with a greater reward.
It will take around 4-5 days for the complete recovery to happen and we can go home.
We appreciate any prayer you can lift up for us. If you want to visit, it would be best to visit after Wednesday. We will be at Dell Children’s Hospital in Austin, TX.
We grew up in the 80s and 90s. Watching movies all night at a sleep-over or playing video games in pajamas all day was/is normal. It is relaxing, entertaining, and engaging with others.
Robin’s Background
I grew up in a strict home. In fact, we didn’t have a television until I was around 18 years of age. We would rent TVs and movies every once in a while (during Olympics or World Cup). We went to maybe 3 or 4 movies at a theater while growing up.
Erica’s Background
I grew up with full access to the tv and video games most of the time. My first records (yes, record is correct) were Madonna (which accidentally got melted when I left it beside the oven) and Cyndi Lauper. My mom was pretty firm about us not watching soap operas, horror movies, and The Simpson’s. I am sure this provided a nice buffer from the really bad stuff. Right? The older I got, my dad would pick us up on the weekends and take us to the movies. I am pretty certain I saw most of the movies that came out in the late 80’s through the mid 90’s, not to mention the hours and hours we spent on the Nintendo playing Super Mario Brothers or Duck Hunt. Now you all have a clear picture of why I am so dysfunctional.
Now, we have been married for over 15 years and have three young kids. Our kids absolutely love movies and video games. As parents, we do too. However, we are now responsible for selecting and/or protecting our kids from the damaging effects of media. The question begs to be answered:
What impact do movies and video games really have on my kids? Is it “just a game” or “just a movie”?
Do we need to buckle down and restrict anything that vaguely looks violent, sexual, or profane? OR Should we allow media with different opinions help us grow and develop our world view and theology?
Ralph Waldo Emerson (who was a long way from being a Bible thumping Christian) once said, “A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will come out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping, we are becoming.”
Check out this information from the National Institution of Health:
Not all television programs are bad, but data showing the negative effects of exposure to violence, inappropriate sexuality and offensive language are convincing – American Academy of Pediatrics
The amount of violence on television is on the rise. The average child sees 12,000 violent acts on television annually, including many depictions of murder and rape. More than 1000 studies confirm that exposure to heavy doses of television violence increases aggressive behaviour, particularly in boys. Other studies link television or newspaper publicity of suicides to an increased suicide risk.
If you are interested, you can get all the sources for this data on the actual report, Click here.
Anything taken in, in large quantities, shapes who we are. We are feeding the flesh in us, either good or bad.
Jesus said, “Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light.But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!” Matthew 6:22
