By: Erica Steele

I love movie analogies. I am such a hands on, visual learner. I have always loved the Never Ending Story. It was one of my childhood favorites, right up there with PeeWee’s Big Adventure and The Princess Bride. Movies and music speak to us in such poignant ways that words can sometimes jumble up.

This moment (I hope you watched that clip above) in The Never Ending Story really jumped out at me today. This season we are in has been difficult all around. The country, world, community, it all feels really big and overwhelming.

In the midst of all of this, we have had some personal things that have been challenging. People acting in ways that have been hurtful, or saying things that have been hard to hear.

I am, by design, (and by enneagram assessment 😜) a person who wants (and needs) resolution. I’m not a faker and I can’t just pretend everything is “ok” if it isn’t. There are exceptions to this, as with anything. For example, if I have tried to make some sort of attempt at a resolution and it is rejected…game over. I can set a firm boundary in my heart and mind and move on (mostly, unless they want to be friends 😂)

During this season I was reminded of a time when I was confronted with my behavior, attitude, and how I was harmful with the way I communicated. My “mirror gate” moment.

It was crushing to me. I spent a lot of time beating myself up and wondering why anyone would want to be my friend or know me for that matter (seriously, those were my very thoughts. Not just being self deprecating here). I turned inward and prayed about it. I asked God to help me see the ugly side of myself and help make me better because it was clearly out of my grasp. I didn’t want to walk around harming people! It was a life changing moment.

God used that hurtful time (words that were honestly spoken out of retaliation) to bring awareness to my ugly side. Let me be clear here, it was a moment of awareness and healing, but certainly didn’t bring about perfection. I still have a tendency to be too harsh with my words and emotions. In that moment, someone held a mirror before me and I saw my anger, hurtful ways, and selfishness. In this season of dealing with tough things and people being self absorbed and hateful, It really brought my thoughts back around to this question.

Have you ever held the mirror for someone?

If you have, I feel pretty sure they felt like screaming and running away in that moment. Ok, maybe that person doesn’t end up running away screaming, but after that they definitely leave you on “read”. Not calling anymore. Faking a “hey it’s so good to see you!…😒”. Seriously, I have been the one left on “read”. We have been dealing with some really tough things. Things that have left me feeling the need to hold up the mirror in front of someone and say “do you see what I see? Do you know your behavior is hurting others?”

What if you are the mirror?

What’s it like when you tell someone their behavior is hurtful and have them walk away and have a finger pointing back at you? (Maybe even one very specific finger).

It cuts deep. It makes your heart hurt.  When we speak truth to a situation, we always hope that it will be happy rainbows and unicorn fluff in the end! Hoping that person(s) will wake up and actually see themselves.

However sometimes people don’t want resolution. They definitely didn’t want to see where they are not being honest, hurting someone, or being selfish.

I really really REALLY want resolution in relationships. Really. It tears me up to feel rejected and not have things made right. I have had to learn to pray and ask God to take the situation and bring healing. Help me to let go of things and not “have to” make them right. That is simply where I find rest. No one can force another person to see their point of view. I don’t have control over how others respond, but I can control where my I allow my hope to rest.

My hope is in Christ alone.

That is where I find rest and healing when I am staring at all my brokenness in a mirror, or when I have held the mirror and seen someone run the other way. God is such a faithful friend. He doesn’t leave us broken and hopeless, but gently leads us toward him and shapes us in His image. What better gift for someone who is so broken, than for a loving Savior to rescue them and offer hope regardless of the situation. If we seek God together, he is faithful to make all things right.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27:17‬ ‭ESV‬‬

 

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

 

“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:23-24‬ ‭MSG‬‬