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Today marks 15 days that we have been here in the hospital.  I (Erica) honestly could not have imagined that we would be here this long.  I have also realized that it is rare that you have any idea how long an unexpected trip to the hospital will last.  There is still no clear escape plan, but I am preparing my Jedi mind tricks to use on the doctors.  Be looking for a post about going home soon, poop or no poop!

It seems like the longer we are here, the more I find myself riding the emotional rollercoaster of feeling encouraged, then plummeting to discouragement.  

I have had so many thoughts, but not put a single one down on paper.  

The fresh winds of hope have come over the past couple of weeks, followed by thick waves of discouragement.  

This past Wednesday I had come home after being relieved by my precious mother-in-law.  I had been up at the hospital for two days and was exhausted.  When I got home we had to deal with some other family issues, which was honestly the last thing we needed.  I had a meltdown and was just feeling like it was all too much.  Robin and I dropped the boys off at youth that evening and went to dinner, then Robin left to go up to the hospital.  He traded out with his mom and stayed the night.

As I was getting ready for bed, I just wanted to lay down and sleep, I was exhausted and the tears were overflowing.  

On this journey it is hard to let go and let others in.  Not because people haven’t offered, but because as mama and poppa, we want to know what’s going on with our girl and make sure that we keep her on the fastest track to breaking free of the hospital.

In my moment of tears and overwhelm, I felt God speak to my heart and say “you need to let people help you.  Especially ones that you love and trust”.  

I slept well that night, and woke up feeling less overwhelmed and ready to reach out for help.  

I texted Robin’s cousin Krystal, who had offered the week before to come and stay for an evening or overnight, if we would allow her to.  

Honestly, in that moment she offered, I genuinely appreciated it, but knew that it would be hard for me to let go and allow someone in to help. The ask is always so big.

I texted her Thursday morning and asked if she would be available to stay with Kennady that evening, or overnight.  She replied “Absolutely!  Is it overnight?  Or just the evening?”  

(Note here::  This is an amazing reply!  It is what everyone wants when they are asking for help.

Robin stayed until Krystal arrived that evening (when she brought a whole house full of barbecue from Holy Smokes for us – D-lish).  

Robin called to say that he had given her the rundown and was headed home.  

I had been doing a few things with the boys and finally sat down at our kitchen table to look at social media.

I could not have been prepared for the picture I saw when I opened IG. 
The relief, the heartache that was buried deep, the gratefulness, the joy, the peace, it all came flooding in.  I literally started sobbing and laid my phone down.  

The gratefulness that I could rest.  The absolute joy that my girl was with someone that wasn’t afraid of her differences, but loved her and celebrated her.  My heart felt like it would burst.  

It also spoke to a deep grief that I had worked through years ago.  The grief that my daughter was not able to participate in sleepovers or family cousin events.  When I saw the words “she and I are both pretty excited to announce our first “Kennady sleepover”.  Sheesh.

My girl, bing included and loved!!   It still brings tears to my eyes.  

What an unexpected gift in such a big way.  My heart was so filled.  I am so thankful God so gently spoke to my heart. I am thankful I got my ask out of the way. I am thankful for the wonderful gift of support and love our family has given us.